Revealed: 15 Meanings of S*x to a Real Man

Forum 7 years ago

Revealed: 15 Meanings of S*x to a Real Man

Popular relationship and s*x therapist, Funmi Akingbade, has written a yet another educating and enlightening article for couples. It's an interesting one!

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While it may be true that most men think about s*x a lot, many scholars have assumed that it has something to do with the testosterone. But men’s urgency about s*x is not always about physical desire only. So, what does s*x truly mean to men and why do they seek it?

How might this be different from what females experience in their desire and search for physical release and connection?

Today we are going to look at 15 things s*x means to a man.

1. S*x can satisfy multiple needs at several levels for a man, giving him an opportunity to feel closeness, vulnerability, reassurance and self-wholeness; all in one experience.

What most women don’t understand is that for many men, sex is the deepest level of intimacy. This is not an inferior type of intimacy; it is a male type of intimacy. To a man, sex can feel like the most profound, genuine sharing of himself he can ever imagine. It is not just a robotic release of sexual tension, it is the experience of giving his all in the drive to feel as close as possible to his married spouse, whether he feels he is in love or not. It is the fulfilment of the most essential human need to connect.

2. For the man, s*x may replenish his soul, but to the woman, his interest may feel only physical. Because a wife can get those same needs met partly in other ways, it is hard for her to imagine that her man may get that primarily, and sometimes only from lovemaking. Women naturally create connections in their lives, so they have other sources of emotional fulfilment that men may only attain through their sexual experiences.

Wives think that emotional intimacy is best achieved through talking about feelings and opening up to one another. When their men are not interested in this kind of intimate sharing, wives can feel lonely and unheard, lowering their interest in further intimacies. Unfortunately, wives who feel emotionally disregarded perceive their men’s sexual pressure not as a need to connect, but as a need to take. Many wives feel that if their husbands would be more emotionally responsive, they might want to have sex more.

Although emotional openness is increasing between spouses, there is still an unspoken limitation on how much emotional openness is acceptable in a man. Women have societal permission to express their emotional needs, but males have been trained to be enduring and don’t speak out. Only in the privacy of lovemaking does the man feel free to share himself at all levels with his married partner.

3. Another thing men get from sex is a rare opportunity to be vulnerable. By its very nature, the sexual experience reassures him that he is safe and accepted. Vulnerability goes back to earliest childhood bonding when it was okay to depend on someone. Because there is so much social emphasis on men being tough and strong, it is easy to overlook how much men need to be vulnerable sometimes, to be released from preoccupations of control and success. For just a little while, a man can surrender in safety, and finally let go of it all.

4. Sexual connection for a man can also feel unequalled. Good sexual experiences take people out of themselves, lifting them out of their egos, and expanding them beyond the little workaday self.

The experience of transcending the mundane reminds a man there is more to life than his daily routine.

Lovemaking softens tough male defences and moves him into the sublime experience of merger with another person.

Men are so pressured to be practical, rational thinkers that sex becomes their only way to rise above the tyranny of what everyone expects of them. They can leave their brains and reconnect to their souls.

But problems occur when men try to meet emotional and transcendent needs in sex without acknowledging that is what it means to them.

Sex can then take on a driven, addictive quality, as unspoken emotional needs are compulsively expressed in action not words.

The man is not aware of how truly needy he is, nor in which ways, and so sex becomes never enough, just like any intoxicant that is used to satisfy needs it was never meant to.

The more a man is aware of his strong need for intimate connection, vulnerability, and reassurance, the more he can find additional ways of getting his emotional needs met with his wife outside the bedroom.

Through sharing his feelings more with his wife, his emotional needs can be met directly in a way that replenishes the wife too, making her feel closer to him so that sex is an experience to be looked forward to, not avoided.

5. For many men, sexual contact opens up a gateway to their soul. Like turning on a tap of running water, they suddenly get in touch with raw feelings, the virtues of tenderness and the need to depend on another human being for warmth and safety.

Men become softer and more human in that they gain access to a wider variety of feelings, thoughts and emotions.

Moving, consistent sex turns their world upside down; their heart inside out.

Their love for life and wife bubbles up from a deep well of feelings they often wall off, becoming clearer like a camera lens bringing its target into focus.

6. Believe it or not, most husbands have no history of positive role models for how to treat women, what real intimacy looks like and how to translate their needs for closeness into a positive way of pursuing their lover.

And this is the rub! Think about it. Wives want husbands who open up their feminine heart and body skillfully.

Like a finely wrapped gift, they don’t want the beautiful wrapping paper and ribbon hurriedly ripped off, wadded up and tossed into the garbage.

They want to experience profound safety, honour and excitement in how their husbands approach them, hold them and ask to be inside them.

Men, who are now potential husbands, on the other hand, are quite capable of “paving the way” to deep intimacy, they surrender to their feminine side in them, touchy-feely side during and after sex.

7. Men want sex, which helps move them into a deeper connection with all their emotional wants and needs; while wives actually want that deeper connection before the bedroom door opens.

Ultimately, they both want the same thing: passionate, rock-the-bed-stand, earthquake sex with souls bared wide open in tenderness, connection and erotic touch.

And orgasms that spell not only physical release, but the intersection of two souls who need a deep kind of love suspended in time, delivered with expertise and boat-floating sexiness.

Yet if not on the same page, working mindfully toward the same spirit-building bond, great sex becomes more like the every-so-often lunar eclipse.

Brilliant planets and moon shading one another for a brief, spectacular show that disappears into the sky returning far away in time — too far away.

8. Many husbands see their penis as a gateway to the soul of their wives in such a way that their speech cannot explain.

They see their penis helping them create the affection, love, tenderness they can’t ordinarily present. They see their penis focusing on those beautiful lovely parts of their wife’s features.

9. Long time sexual relationship helps many husbands to actually know their wives before they physically penetrate them, sex to these men means, you have to first penetrate her heart and soul. Yes, she wants sexy, exciting, erotic touch and all the fireworks that go with it.

But many wives, if not all, want blood-curdling fireworks that first launch their internal emotions, make them feel like they are the most beautiful, cherished women in the world. Does your woman feel that valued, apart from her body and the sex she gives to you?

10. S*x helps the husband to really set the right goal, to create closeness and affection that takes their mind off all and any other distractions.

11. Many husbands are literarily sex starved, and good sex means they are fed, many men are starved for affection, for the soft embrace of a real wife who gives them the tenderness and warmth they don’t know how to ask for; sometimes don’t know even exists within.

Without these kinds of components, love-components, many husbands are searching and still searching for closeness and bonding with such an unlimited emotional experience.

So, they keep pursuing sex, to get these satisfaction and gems, thinking that the excitement of intercourse provides real hunger filling.

12. Ironically many husbands just think they are supposed to want it all the time, and unfortunately, this seems to be what wives think too.

It’s extraordinarily difficult for a husband to say no to guaranteed sex, not only because it’s considered unmanly, but because their wives tend to assume that something’s “wrong.” Nothing’s wrong.

Just like women, many husbands only want sex… when they want it. The problem is that many husbands are often terrible at knowing the difference between sex they want and sex they don’t want until the awkward post-coital embrace.

Many spouses really need to work on this one, so that s*x will be good and real. I tell most wives that it is not only sex that makes your husband goes after another woman, it is bad, unwholesome, unhealthy s*x and so many other things.

13. To many husbands, s*x validates them, believe it or not many husbands are racked with self-doubt, constantly.

As much as they try to ignore it, they cover it up with obnoxious bravado, and occasionally, they actually try to work on the bad habits that are making them feel so lousy about themselves.

Mostly, they try to push away feelings of inadequacy because they’re afraid that they won’t be attractive to their wives if they present as anything but totally confident.

There is a moment, though, when the inner critic just has to shut his stupid little mouth and let the grown-ups talk. It’s the moment of orgasm, followed by the collapse into a woman’s arms. That’s the best.

14. S*x to husbands is about power, the domination thing is no myth, husbands love to see their wives lost in a raging sexual desire in their arms, they want to see their wives out of their mind, forgetting their own names, swept off in the ocean of ecstasy.

They want to see you to completely lose control and they want to be ‘the guy’ who took it from you.

15. To many men s*x means stay away, and this is just simply when many husbands are handling the shame of premature ejaculation, weak erection, quick ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, low libido, no desire and the plague of small penis size make them feel like a failed husband.

Husbands want their wives to have a good time sexually and they certainly don’t want their wives to tell friends that they are less than a man on bed.

This can not only be a lot of pressure, it is also demoralising. So, sometimes many husbands just pretend they don’t care for s*x and sometimes or most times the pretending becomes habitual.

Really, though, deep down, they care a lot, they are in pain they are stuck and frustrated.

To every real man s*x is a gateway to their soul, so to get to the soul of your husband travel the partway of good s*x.